No Heights please!

I suffer from Acrophobia.

No, it doesn’t mean I am scared of the wind or bugs or some similar creepy crawly thingies. It means that I have an extreme or irrational fear of heights – courtesy Wikipedia. And no, a fear of heights is NOT vertigo. Vertigo is feeling dizzy when you are stationary and generally associated with a problem in the inner ear which controls our sense of balance and equilibrium.

I realized this when I was a small girl. Someone coaxed me into getting on to a ferris wheel – not the giant wheel but a much smaller version and before it could reach a height of 8 feet I was screaming and ready to fly off the damned contraption. My grandmother used to joke that she could hear my screams all the way home. Not funny for me though. Ever since I steered clear of anything to do with heights. My boldest adventure was possibly to balance myself and walk on the compound of  our house without panicking or falling down. I still remember, the corners would stump me and I would sit and shuffle that bit before continuing on my expedition.

I thought this would get better with age but was proven wrong. I was in high school when I visited a fair with my aunts and cousins and again there was this mini giant wheel which the kiddos wanted to ride. It looked very ordinary to me and I got on to it with bravado. Which very quickly vanished and was replaced by a feeling of such intense fear that I thought I would slip off the seat and crash into mother earth. The panic was so much that I almost wanted to jump off it rather than remain airborne. Luckily for me, one of my young cousins chickened out and started howling so badly that the operator stopped the machine. Yeah, you guessed right, I was off the giant wheel even before my cousin could move a muscle!

Hey, don’t think I have given in entirely to this phobia.  During my early college days, I found a way of beating this to some extent. My nemesis was again at a fair and there was this ride called Pirate. It’s a giant boat which swings in the air – the swinging gets progressively higher but you don’t spin the way you do in a giant wheel. I got onto it on a dare and as the boat started swinging higher and higher, I could feel the old fear setting in. I realized that most of my other “passengers” were screaming when the boat dipped and as I was on the verge of having a panic attack, I joined in shouting loudly at the worst part of the rides – the dips. And I discovered that even though I was scared, the screaming was actually helping me in not panicking! I actually enjoyed the rest of the ride and my voice was hoarse in the end but it was worth every bit of the lung power.

My fight to conquer this fear continues even today. I recently took the escalator up two levels at Mantri mall and felt like giving a whoop of joy for having accomplished that. But that is my limit now, I cannot go higher and would rather take the stairs or the elevator instead. My fear follows me everywhere. Even in my sleep. I often dream of being perched on the tip of an abyss and its anybody’s guess whether I clamber up for safety or fall down. Of late I seem to be winning atleast in my dreams. I am going to take this as a positive sign that one day, I will use the escalators to go all the way up to the 3rd floor of Mantri mall. 🙂

Amen to that!


Resolutions 2012 – My Take

I created this blog on an impulse and am now sitting and staring at the big blank white screen wondering what to blog about – talk about a writer’s block even before you start writing!

Hmm.. what should I blog about? the weather? Nah – too English, too mundane..

How about the latest English flick released last week – huh? I haven’t watched it yet so no ways I can pull that one off!

OK, how about treating my blog site like my personal diary and talking about how my day was yesterday and all my feelings at the conscious and sub conscious level? Spilling my guts out first thing in the morning is not my cup of tea folks, so scratch that..

What about analyzing the headache I have since 2 days which seems to have taken a vow to be my bosom pal this year? This is only making my headache worse and the complex 2nd level “inception type” dream I has last night has not helped it one little bit :(.

Just a minute – it’s the new year, 2012 – what better stuff to write about that New Year Resolutions? that million dollar question asked by every Tom, Dick and Harry the first week of every New Year? Sounds interesting and do-able, so here goes my list of “resolutions” for this year:

  1. Not to make any new year resolutions
  2. And in the event I do make any resolutions, to do everything in my power to break them.
  3. To wake up at 5.30 AM everyday and do yoga and meditation followed by a 30 mins walk on the treadmill.
  4. I resolve to eat very healthy – only salads and wholesome vegetarian food.
  5. Will indulge in chicken, ice creams and chocolates only once a month 😦 😦
  6. Work very hard and very late everyday.
  7. Be the most proactive employee at work and be the apple of my boss’ eye 🙂
  8. No internet browsing interruptions at work – I resolve to never check my Gmail, FB or blog sites even once during office hours and neither will i log in to online chatting.
  9. Will watch only informative and business channels on TV – no more Masterchefs  cookery shows or Emotional Athyachaar for me.
  10. Internet time restricted to only 10 mins per day (waaaah! :(). Life is too precious to be squandered away in front of a dumb machine!
  11. Go to bed by 9.30, considering the gruelling schedule I have set for the next day.
  12. The most important resolution – stick to Resolution No.1 and No. 2 at any cost.


Since I have already broken Resolutions number 3, 4, 9 and 10, I am well on my way to keep up my resolutions this year 🙂

Have a great weekend folks!